I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
