I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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