this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
