dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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