I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
