i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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