I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
