her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
