he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
