i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I don't deserve a penis
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
