Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
