He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
