Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
