I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
