apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
