i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
