You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
