I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
