i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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