The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
