If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
