I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
