i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
