I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
