My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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