so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Pants are for mortals
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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