After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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