you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
