i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
