is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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