It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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