Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
