Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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