You smell like a Billy Joel song
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
high people should be assigned attendants
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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