Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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