I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
