I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
