I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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