The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
