In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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