so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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