I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
