the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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