I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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