Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
