Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Houston, we have a squirter
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
