I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
