we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
