he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
