its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
